so I've been sort of absent from LJ lately and it is only because my magical stolen WiFi connection at my apartment has vanished. boo. so my macbook is unloved until we move to our new place (in October) and purchase internet of our own when we have a cable jack that isn't blocked by a bookshelf bolted to the wall. but I still read my friends page via my phone!

anyway, Monday is my 5 year anniversary with Evan and I'm excited. I did make him promise not to propose that day so I don't have to be anxious about that. :) I know that sounds strange and I know a proposal isn't too far away and that doesn't scare me at all. I just need to be surprised. no holidays. lol none of this makes sense

hmmm well I think id probably think I turned out sort of cool but also that I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I should have by now. Which is pretty much the way I feel about myself currently hahahaha

Foregoing den to hibernate, I lay
In open pasture veiled by snow unmarred
A place to let my weariness away
Exhausted head on pillow soft and hard
The freezing of my limbs had soon begun
The slumber came and with it, a release
Unspoken will to finally be done
As breath and heartbeat slowed to gentle cease
For months the figure ‘neath white tomb remained
Till wretched dawn returned to make its claim
The glare my skin did warm and breath sustained
Another failure added to my shame
The unsought sun in wait had always been
And earth, it seemed, refused to take me in

THANK MERCY I called my mom last night to whine about feeling shitty and she told me that my insurance through her doesn't expire until OCTOBER 1ST. THANK YOU FORTUNE. And thank god this happened now and not three weeks from now.

Anyway, I am laid up at home with a throbbing pain in my ear and also in my kidneys. I am still peeing decent amounts of blood and trying to restrain myself from yelling out in pain when I urinate because it hurts so bad. The fever is making me so weak that when I tried to pinch Evan last night, he just laughed. I get to go to the doctor tomorrow, though! Hallelujah.

Also on the bright side, Evan got the night off to take care of me, and he is going to be picking up copious amounts of food from Pizzicato for us in a matter of minutes. I am so excited.

GOD DAMNIT I have pink eye. that must be what it is. It felt ok earlier today but was getting redder, and tonight I want to rip my eye out because it feels like scraping my eyeball when I blink and any bright light makes me wince. shit shit shit. Is there a stupider illness than pink eye? I don't think so. Why can't I just go to the eyedrop section of the store and buy the cure there? Why do I actually have to go to the fucking doctor to get a prescription? THIS IS TIME AND MONEY I DON'T WANT TO SPEND ON SOMETHING SO STUPID. What's weird too, is that it was almost exactly one year ago that I had it before

Also, it makes me think of the movie "Knocked Up" where one of the idiot guys gets pinkeye and another guy claims that the way one gets pinkeye is by particles of poop getting into his or her eye. I know that when I leave the house with this illness and people notice, at least one of them will now assume I got poop in my eye and I don't appreciate that, and also IT IS NOT TRUE, I swear. :( :(